


Holy Diver

by uv_duv



Series: Hell's Heart [2]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bath Time, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff, M/M, On the Run, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:21:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25472323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uv_duv/pseuds/uv_duv
Summary: A quieter continuation set after Killing Moon.Guillermo and Nandor struggle to define their relationship after they set out for Pennsylvania to escape the Vampiric Council. Getting away from Nadja, Laszlo, and Colin Robinson is its own challenge. Guillermo is dying for the opportunity to talk one-on-one. Or do other things.“Guillermo strongly suspected that in that moment he and Nandor both wanted to murder Colin Robinson more than anything in the world. The opportunity to share a bed with the perfect excuse was snatched away by the human personification of a cockblock.”
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja
Series: Hell's Heart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1845076
Comments: 16
Kudos: 94





	Holy Diver

Guillermo blotted the blood off of Nandor’s face and redid his hair. The lips he had torn had already healed. Guillermo wiped the blood off of his own mouth, but little else. He had to hope nobody noticed the puncture marks that decorated his lips, or somehow chalked it up to his rampage at the theater. Nandor reached out a hand to Guillermo as he hauled a trunk to the foyer, as if to say something, or at least grab his attention, but seemed to think better of it. They maintained a charged silence as Nandor wrenched swords, halberds, and daggers off the wall of the crypt and handed them to Guillermo to pack. There wasn’t time to wash the trench coat, so Guillermo stuffed it into his duffel bag along with his bandolier of stakes, holy water, holy knuckles, and back-up stakes. 

“I’m going to go get a van, and then we can leave. For… Pennsylvania,” Guillermo said at the doorway. They were standing very close.

Guillermo hoped that Nandor understood. Everything. Looking into Nandor’s dark eyes, Guillermo did all he could to communicate an impossibly elaborate message.  _ You’ve hurt me. I’ve hurt you. I forgive you. I’m sorry. I love you. I hope you love me too. I want this. Be safe. _

But for now, all Guillermo could do was hope. Nandor whispered, “Be careful. Please.” And Guillermo left. 

He biked to a 24 hour rental car company to rent a van at 1 in the morning, appreciating the cool night air and a little distance after the night’s events. Parking the van in front of the house, he saw Laszlo and Nadja throwing trunks on the lawn, forming a small mountain of luggage. Upon his return, he insisted on driving to the vampires, careful to emphasize that he was the only one that was supposed to, based on the rental agreement. He would be damned if he let things slip back to the way things were. 

Nonetheless, he still loaded Nandor’s luggage, all clothes and weapons. Negotiating the line between familiar and partner with Nandor would be a bigger priority once he knew they were safe. He closed the back doors of the van, which held a Tetris configuration of antique trunks and Colin Robinson’s reasonable carry-on bag perched incongruously on the top. He felt Laszlo and Nadja’s eyes on him as he put the trench coat back on, blood and all, to prepare for the possibility of ambush during the drive.  _ Or even now,  _ he thought, turning his attention to his broader surroundings.  _ How long did they reasonably have? _

When he turned around, the four vampires were standing on the front walkway, looking at the house, which was rather picturesque in the light of the full moon. It was surprisingly hard to leave. Guillermo admired the view as he walked over, standing some distance behind them, cognizant of the fact that it may be awhile before they could return.

“I think that’s everything,” he said after some time. 

Laszlo dashed for the van, exclaiming, “Great, let’s peal the fuck out of here then!” 

Guillermo got into the driver’s seat soon after. He noticed Nandor walking over slowly and debated making eye contact and trying to communicate,  _ well, what, exactly?  _ Guillermo averted his eyes, fumbling with the keys. When Colin Robinson sat in the front passenger seat, Guillermo was actually relieved. The van engine turned over and the blue dashboard lights flickered to life.  _ Why Pennsylvania?  _ he thought again, but went ahead and keyed in the directions to some remote town in Pennsylvania he found on Google, figuring if there was no logic to it there was no way they could be tracked by the Vampiric Council. As he pulled into the street, Guillermo was grateful for the chance to focus on the road and that he couldn’t see Nandor’s reflection. 

The street lights streaked over the front windshield as Guillermo drove. There were so many angles and facets to the evening that he was turning over in his mind as he ferried all of them out of Staten Island. He was especially replaying his confrontation with Nandor in his head and wasn’t thrilled with some of the choices he had made.  _ Step one, survive,  _ he reminded himself. He could make it up to him later.

They had all been sitting in exhausted silence and just left Jersey when Colin Robinson spoke. “So Guillermo. Guillermo de la Cruz,” Colin Robinson said as whitely as possible, “Vampire slayer extraordinaire huh? Whodathought. How many have you killed?” The excruciating silence was probably exquisite for Colin Robinson. Guillermo didn’t look at him, absolutely positive his eyes were glowing blue, but took a deep inhale and closed his eyes briefly. 

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Guillermo settled on. He barely moved his mouth.

“Well that’s fine,” Colin Robinson paused. Not nearly long enough. 

“But during the play they had a whole skit about an innocent vampire family that was brutally murdered in their own home. Safe to assume that was you too?” 

Guillermo almost slammed on the brakes in the middle of the highway, making the tires squeal and causing the entire van to rock.  _ Shit. _ His grip tightened on the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He got the van back up to speed silently. 

“Really couldn’t help yourself, could you,” Laszlo growled.

“Guys I’m starving, come on.”

“We’re all starving you soft-brained infant!” Nadja hissed, kicking Colin Robinson’s seat.

“You guys aren’t even a little curious about that vampire family?” Colin Robinson entreated.

It was actually Nandor who groaned, “Please, Colin Robinson. Like I said, they probably just made that up to pin more shit on us. You really think Guillermo would do that?”

Those words were like a knife drawn to Guillermo’s throat. Guilt coiled in his stomach. That was another conversation he wasn’t looking forward to. Combined with everything he had physically endured that day, he felt like he had been run over. He was irrationally hoping they would somehow just forget that part of the play.

“I don’t know, that’s not really how the council rolls. Any comment, Guillermo?” Colin Robinson was clearly not letting up. The thought flickered through Guillermo’s mind that he could drive them all into an oncoming truck.

“I have no idea who those people were,” Guillermo said quietly, keeping his eyes fixed on the seemingly endless expanse of the road.

\-----

Guillermo had pulled off the highway around 4 AM and was following a much narrower road through thick trees. The only light came from the van’s high beams and the full moon. The GPS was directing him to the cheapest motel in the area. Colin Robinson had been blessedly silent.

_ WHUMP.  _

A small black blur had suddenly appeared and crashed into the windshield, instantly exploding in size and rolling off the hood of the van. Guillermo hammered on the brakes and jumped out with a stake in his hand before he even completely processed what had happened. There was a figure in the road, bleeding and broken, the sharp angles of their body highlighted in the stark light of the van headlights. There was a subtle grinding sound that Guillermo could just catch, and he realized that those angles were changing.

He walked forward, wrenched her up by her hair, and staked the vampire through the chest mechanically before she had a chance to fully heal. Guillermo was used to the guttural death rattle. Fresh blood fanned across his trench coat, a new layer atop the dried blood from the theater. Nadja and Nandor stood watching and didn’t say a word. Guillermo asked if they recognized her.

“No, just some rando,” Nandor grimaced. “Bad moon for her,” Nadja whimpered.

“...Sorry. I didn’t want to take any chances.”  _ They get that, right? That anyone could be a threat? _

“R-right”, Nadja and Nandor said in unintentional unison, looking at each other in horror they struggled to suppress and then back to Guillermo. Guillermo threw her body over his shoulders and dumped it on the side of the road, beyond a stand of trees.  _ She’ll vaporize once the sun is out. Body disposal is a lot easier for vampires. _

“What the flippity fuck was all that then?” Laszlo called from the back middle seat of the van. “Everything alright out there? Did we hit a deer?”

“Yes darling, it was just a big old dumb deer,” Nadja said in a strained voice.

“It was definitely NOT an innocent vampire that we watched Guillermo stake through the heart in a scarily casual manner,” Nandor said unconvincingly.

"It was definitely that," Colin Robinson said to Laszlo. 

“I’m going to drive the rest of the way” Laszlo declared, “I’d rather we not leave a trail of bodies in Giz-” he cleared his throat, “G-Guillermo’s wake.” 

Laszlo climbed into the front seat through the middle console awkwardly. Nadja returned to the back when Colin Robinson refused to relinquish his seat in the front, leaving Nandor outside with Guillermo. 

Guillermo thought of the first time he saw Nandor feed. It was a prerequisite to becoming a full-time familiar that Nandor insisted on. There was a glamour to it, the raw power over a life, complete control, the enticing way that victims struggle and fight and then fade and sag and become his problem. But in those last few moments, right before the last drops of life drip out, the victims unequivocally know that they’re dying and they have a particular expression that fundamentally changed something in Guillermo. Being a familiar was just the first step in eroding his humanity and had happened a decade ago. It surprised him, given how much longer they had to kill to survive, that Nandor and Nadja were affected.  _ Was it because it was a vampire? Or that I did it?  _

Guillermo was walking back to the van wordlessly when Nandor surprised him, softly calling his name. He turned and said, “Yes Mas-?” biting his tongue halfway through his mistake. The pain from slicing it on Nandor's teeth a few hours earlier sang. A small smile fluttered across Nandor’s mouth for a moment. 

Then he murmured, “I’m just going to get this,” and wiped a streak of blood off of Guillermo’s cheek with his thumb. They regarded each other silently on the road, a black ocean of still unsaid things between them. Guillermo suspected that if either of them started it would be difficult to stop, like pulling the plug out of a drain of stopped-up feelings that had accumulated, festering for over a decade.  _ It’s just too much… _ Thankfully, Nandor looked at the van and back to Guillermo before he finally spoke. 

“Hold your arms out,” Nandor commanded in his old voice.

Guillermo sighed but obeyed.  _ I guess he still thinks there’s a chance that I murder them all, then,  _ Guillermo thought, seething at his treatment after he risked his life to save them. Nandor ran his hands over Guillermo’s torso, feeling for stakes. He undid Guillermo’s trenchcoat and checked his sweater as well. Whenever he found one he pocketed it in his own cape. He passed over Guillermo’s arms and checked the pockets of his coat, hissing when he burned his fingertips on a crucifix. Guillermo apologized tersely and Nandor said that it was okay, an almost automatic exchange. He ignored Guillermo’s regular belongings, like his wallet and cell phone. Nandor’s hands glided over Guillermo’s backside quickly but then hovered for a moment. 

“I’m just going to assume you aren’t a complete maniac…” Nandor muttered. Guillermo realized what he was alluding to and suddenly felt his face burning up. Luckily, Nandor was patting down his legs and couldn’t see. Nandor was surprised to find multiple mini-stakes in his socks.

“Really, Guillermo?”

“What do you want me to say?”  _ As though you’re above this. _

“Maybe it’s better if you don’t say anything. Get in,” there was unmistakably more edge in Nandor’s voice now. 

Guillermo didn’t appreciate his tone or that Nandor motioned for Guillermo to take the middle seat between him and Nadja. “Okay everyone, everything is fine now. There is nothing to be afraid of. I have disarmed Guillermo of his many numbers of stakes. Let’s get to our lodgings, have a good feed and sleep, and go from there,” Nandor reassured the van ineffectually.

Laszlo balked. “Just how many fucking stakes did you have on you?” 

“A lot. I mean, I knew I was going to a theater full of vampires,” Guillermo said bluntly. Nadja shuddered. “Again, to rescue you guys… so, you’re welcome,” Guillermo reiterated to a thank you he had never received. 

Nobody said anything. Laszlo started the van and began to reverse before shifting back into forward drive with a lurch. Nadja scrunched herself as far away as possible from Guillermo, making a disgusted face at the blood all over his coat. Guillermo didn’t have the energy to care anymore. The monotonous hum of the road made his eyelids heavier and heavier. His head gradually slumped over like a melting candle and settled on Nandor’s shoulder. Nandor jostled Guillermo to move.  _ Come on.  _ Guillermo’s irritation built with every subtle bounce of Nandor’s shoulder. He stubbornly refused to move his head, acting as though he was dead asleep. The issue was mute when he heard Nadja whisper, “Nandor, no, please leave him be. He can’t kill us if he’s sleeping.”

“I don’t know about that love, he managed to murder a vampire just driving a van through Pennsylvania.”

Nandor sighed. He didn’t move Guillermo, who fell into a black dreamless sleep.

\-----

When Guillermo woke up he was alone in the van. Initially he had a surge of anxiety that the vampires had all abandoned him, but that was quickly replaced by the sensation of his entire body being made of angry lead. The soreness had started to settle in, revealing itself further with every new movement he made. He glanced out the windows and was surprised they were at a gas station and not the motel. Looking at the clock on the dashboard, he saw that it was a little after 5 AM, less than an hour from sunrise. At least someone filled the van with gas if they were abandoning him.  _ So kind. _

Remembering that he was absolutely soaked in blood, he left his trenchcoat in the back of the van. He walked past Colin Robinson telling a man in a truck about the best kinds of ground cover and couldn’t deny that again, he was relieved to see him. The gas station convenience store was empty. Guillermo idly wondered where Nandor was while considering his snack options.  _ Would they try to leave me -and- Colin Robinson? Like a two-for-one? _ He grabbed a protein bar and a bottle of water and asked the terminally bored looking cashier for the bathroom key. 

The key ended up being unnecessary; the door was ajar. Guillermo peered in and was greeted by the sight of Nandor, Laszlo, and Nadja tearing into a couple. He breathed a sigh of relief, that they were just feeding. Laszlo and Nadja were on opposite sides of the woman’s throat, eyes flashing at Guillermo as they drank greedily in tandem. Guillermo had an intrusive thought imagining him and Nandor sharing a meal like that. He pushed it away as he closed the door completely behind him. Then he looked at Nandor, who had the man pinned against the bathroom wall and his mouth firmly latched on his neck. It immediately reminded him of Nandor pinning him against the wall hours earlier, which was both hot and threatening. _What had Nandor intended?_ _Did I misread that?_

Nandor ripped his teeth off of his victim and said, “Hi, Guillermo! You found us,” in a surprisingly positive tone, spraying blood all over the bathroom mirror that he wasn’t reflected in.  _ Wonders of a good meal. _ “Yeah,” Guillermo smiled at him.  _ Maybe things are fine? _ Leaning against the wall, he started eating his protein bar as Nandor went back to drinking even more. Guillermo’s attention was grabbed by the sound of Laszlo unzipping the dead woman’s jeans. “Uhh… What are you doing?” Guillermo asked Laszlo uncomfortably.

“If you’re thinking necrophilia, been there done that. These are for Nadja,” Laszlo said, pulling the woman’s shoes off and then her pants. “Should be your size, darling.”

“I hate, HATE trousers, but… I have to agree, I would be unrecognizable. Very cunning plan my love,” Nadja stroked Laszlo’s face. Guillermo realized that Laszlo was already wearing jeans, somehow.  _ When did that happen?  _ Nadja pulled out a kerchief from her cleavage and wiped some of the blood from his facial hair. “Gizmo--” 

“It’s Guillermo, my darling.” 

She huffed but yelled, “Guillermo, Nandor, turn around!” much louder than necessary, given the venue. 

Guillermo turned back around to Nandor and was disturbed to see that he was also holding his victim’s pants in his hands. And that they were also about his size.  _ Were they hunting or clothes shopping?  _ Nandor started changing in front of Guillermo, who maintained polite eye contact with the bathroom ceiling. Now that the cat of Guillermo’s affection was decidedly out of the bag, it felt too awkward watching Nandor change, especially in the presence of other people. He hoped they could be together alone again, soon. That he could explain himself. Whatever they were felt so fragile that the longer they stayed apart, the more it would languish and likely die. So fragile that even the weight of other eyes could shatter it. There was a strange sound of tearing fabric from Nadja that puzzled Guillermo and pulled him from his worries.

“Okay, how do I look?” Nadja asked excitedly.

Guillermo turned around and had to fight to strangle a laugh. Laszlo had torn her dress in half at the waist, so that she still had her black corset under a tailored black jacket that had an elaborate lace lapel, and then just. Jeans. Unflattering, light wash, mom jeans. 

Guillermo managed to say, “G-good.” Nandor had given her a thumbs up, a nod, and said “Rocking it.”

“Absolutely stunning, my punk rock princess. All you need is an e-lectrical guitar,” Laszlo purred, playing an air guitar.

“Guys?” Nandor asked uncertainly. He held his arms out and spun in a circle stiffly. The jeans were a few inches too short, but at least a darker wash and decent fit otherwise. The red brocade vest and matching cape covered in even more blood from his recent victim was probably a bit much for the look. 

“My friend, in a word, gorgeous!” Guillermo’s eye twitched and he clenched his jaw at the sound of Laszlo complimenting Nandor. He chewed and swallowed a bite of his protein bar aggressively.  _ It was just a convenience fuck. It wasn’t anything.  _

Another voice in his mind said,  _ But Nandor still didn’t ask you. _

“You do look good,” Guillermo said warmly, trying not to betray his jealousy. 

Nandor grinned at him and said, “Okay. Thank you. Now, like we rehearsed. Laszlo, you are Jackie Daytona. Nadja, you are…”

“Susanna Wonderbread.”

“Great. And I am,” Nandor squinted at the dead man’s ID, “Nate W-Weiner. Ah no I don’t like that name.”

“Nobody is going to ask you for your last names, so just remember that you’re Jackie, Susanna, and Nate,” Guillermo suggested. The three denim wearing vampires looked at him. Nadja began to spit, “Who the fuck asked--” but Nandor shook his head at her. “No, Nadja. Remember, ex-familiar. Ex.”

Nadja snarled. “Fine. But you’re not a vampire either.”

“About that. Um…” Guillermo glanced awkwardly at the toilet in the corner, “I actually came in here to, take care of, some human needs.”

“Have at it, chap. Bat!” The three of them turned into bats and flew out together. 

Guillermo never once thought that he would find himself taking a shit next to two half-naked dead bodies in a gas station bathroom in Pennsylvania at 5:30 in the morning. 

\-----

The most generous thing that Guillermo could say about the motel is that it could have been worse. Colin Robinson checked them in using his credit card and chatted up the concierge, who already looked near the edge of death.  _ Cruel. _ They booked a room that had two beds, leaving a conundrum. 

“Well, obviously Nadja and Laszlo get a bed together. That leaves you, me, and Nandor in the last bed. Snug fit. Three peas in a pod,” Colin Robinson flashed a crooked smile, his hands buried in the pockets of his greige khakis. Laszlo and Nadja immediately extricated themselves from the conversation and laid nicer blankets over the hotel bedding from one of their trunks.

Guillermo strongly suspected that in that moment he and Nandor both wanted to murder Colin Robinson more than anything in the world. The opportunity to share a bed with the perfect excuse was snatched away by the human personification of a cockblock. Nandor's mouth twitched. 

"Couldn't you feed on people in the parking lot, perhaps yes?" Nandor asked and suggested at the same time.

"Do you… want to sleep with Guillermo?” Colin Robinson asked, affecting confusion, “I'm just surprised. Never really got that vibe."  _ You have been feeding off of us for years and we all know it.  _ Guillermo kept a neutral expression.

Nandor made a face at Guillermo, like a picky kid would make at a plate of steamed vegetables, and slowly said, “Ehhh…” Then he shrugged and continued, “At least I am used to having Guillermo around all the time. Not so much you. No offense.”

“Well, some offense. Guillermo could just sleep between us,” Colin Robinson moved to the other side of Guillermo, as if to demonstrate the arrangement. He got too close. 

Guillermo recoiled. “...Okay, I’ll sleep in the bathroom. I’m the only one that uses it anyway,” Guillermo volunteered, sighing and dooming Nandor to sharing a bed with Colin Robinson by himself.

"Great, that settles that. Alright Nandor, are you more of a big spoon or little spoon? I can go either way myself."

\-----

Guillermo took the best shower of his life. As he scrubbed off the grime of the theater, of almost killing Nandor, of Nandor nearly returning the favor, of the long drive and unexpected hit-and-run, he felt more and more renewed. Like a person again. 

After he toweled off, he washed the trenchcoat in the tub, not enough to get everything but at least he could conceivably convince people it was a stage costume. The bathroom was small and cramped enough that the only reasonable place for him to sleep was the tub, so he got cleaning supplies from the front desk and set to work. He hadn't exactly packed pajamas, so he was scrubbing the tub with bleach in his white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up.  _ At least it's already white.  _

Nandor shuffled in holding his own sleep clothes. He closed the door behind him and asked Guillermo, "Why don’t you wear shirts like that more often? Always with the long arms." 

Guillermo bent back down to his work and chuckled. "You're the reason why I don't."

"What, you really think a flash of forearm is going to make me lose it?" Nandor scoffed.

"It did when I was 24," Guillermo pressed his thumb over the scars on his right wrist. That were on both of his wrists. Mementos.

"...Could you help me change?" Nandor asked, changing the subject. It was the flimsiest of pretexts but Guillermo allowed it. He kept his sleeves rolled up, folded Nandor's cape, and placed it on top of the toilet seat. Not ideal circumstances, but he could work with this. Guillermo took off the brocade vest and enjoyed slowly undoing each button of Nandor's dress shirt that was underneath. 

"I'm glad we're finally alone," Guillermo said, sliding the shirt off of Nandor’s shoulders. He folded it and placed it on the toilet seat with the cape and the vest. Guillermo turned back to face Nandor and paused, his eyes lingering on Nandor’s bare chest. He put a hand up to touch but Nandor grabbed his wrist and put it back at his side. 

“Yeah..” Guillermo was disappointed but understood.  _ Maybe it was a little soon. _ “Maybe we should just talk. I just… I don’t really know where to start,” Guillermo said, putting Nandor’s sleep shirt on for him. Nandor’s head got stuck; Guillermo helped him wiggle through and get the shirt completely on. Nandor looked at him with tired eyes and said, “Perhaps there is no start…”  _ What did that mean?  _ Guillermo felt a jolt in his chest, started to respond, the fear evident on his face, “Just for now, Guillermo,” Nandor reassured him.

“I just feel like if we don’t talk about this soon… I.. I don’t know, I don’t want to mess this up,” Guillermo stuttered. He undid Nandor’s hair and smoothed it affectionately.

“Let us sleep, this one day. Then we can word search. Yes?” Nandor reached his hand up to Guillermo’s.

“Okay” Guillermo nodded and squeezed Nandor’s hand. Nandor squeezed it back and then looked around the bathroom they were cramped in.

“Where are you going to sleep? It is like a broom closet with a toilet in here.”

Guillermo snickered. “I slept in a closet for ten years. Used to it. I don’t know, the tub I guess?” 

“Mm.”

“Enjoy sleeping with Colin Robinson. I’m going to get ice and then I’ll be back.”

\-----

When Guillermo returned to the room holding a big bag of ice, it was nearly dawn. He internally laughed when he saw Nandor asleep at the foot of Nadja and Laszlo’s bed. Nandor was laying perpendicular to them, his long legs hanging over the edge of the bed. All three of them had pillows over their faces, which Guillermo decided to ask about later. Colin Robinson had the other bed entirely to himself, laying stick-straight in the direct center of it.

Guillermo opened the door to the bathroom to make an ice compress for himself with a washcloth, but was surprised to see a pile of ornately patterned silk sheets and cushions on top of the toilet seat. 

\-----

Guillermo had fallen asleep in the motel bathtub in the same white dress shirt and his black boxer briefs, huddled in a silk nest from materials that Nandor had somehow retrieved from the van in the time it took Guillermo to get a bag of ice for his aching body, when the door swung open, whacking the wall and startling him awake. Before his thoughts had caught up he realized he was groping around for a stake he taped to the back of the toilet tank.

"Oops," Nandor said, closing the door gingerly, "I didn't mean to scare you, Guillermo."

"S'okay. You okay?", Guillermo murmured. He draped his arms over the tub to grab his glasses instead and looked up at Nandor curiously from his heavy eyes.

"Eh no, not really. May I join you?" Nandor asked, stepping into the tub before Guillermo could actually answer. He slumped down, spreading his legs above Guillermo's and wedging his feet between Guillermo’s back and the silk sheets in a casual invasion of his personal space that he certainly didn't mind. 

"Nadja and Laszlo are having sex, which, good for them, but it's getting weird even for me," Nandor said, compulsively squishing a silk cushion in his hands.

"Mmm, makes sense," Guillermo nodded, grateful he couldn't hear anything. Guillermo leaned his head against the plexiglass tile wall and began to fall back to sleep when Nandor shook his arm.

"Guillermo! Guillermo, I came to talk with you," Nandor whined, "I am going to tell you a fucked up story."

Guillermo blinked slowly and adjusted his glasses. "Oh uh, okay," he said skeptically, but intrigued.

"As you know, after I was turned into a vampire my 37 wives left me. Once I also left my country,”  _ You mean driven out by your own subjects,  _ “I sought out my favorite wife." 

Nandor sighed wistfully and pet the cushion. Guillermo was now completely awake; Nandor almost never spoke of his past in any substantive way and he had no idea where this story was going to go. 

"She was so gentle. Her name is Elaheh.”  _ Is? _ “It took me years to find her, but I did, because.."

"You're relentless," Guillermo finished the sentence, completely deadpan. 

"Right! Good job Guillermo," Nandor beamed, dropping the cushion and clapping his hands on Guillermo’s upper arms. 

Nandor leaned back against the opposite wall and continued, "So I find her and she is living a terrible life with her new family, as a farmer’s wife.” He grimaced and shook his head, his thick hair moving with him. “Such a step down from the splendor of my court. A full staircase, really. I gave all of my wives treasures from my many conquests, but I saved the finest jewels for Elaheh… Anyway, one night I fly through her window as a bat and I wake her. Quietly, we go outside together and sit under a lovely full moon. That part was nice."

"This... doesn’t seem fucked up yet...?" Guillermo ventured carefully. 

"Well, I'll cut to the chase. Her shithead husband came out and caught us so I chased him and ate him.”  _ There it is. _ “Then I professed my undying love for Elaheh and asked if she would become a vampire with me. She said yes so you know I.." Nandor bared his fangs and motioned biting.

_ Well lucky her.  _ Guillermo felt a distant sense of jealousy and steadied his face to smother it. Nandor was here with him, now.

"I stayed with her for days as she endured the transition. It's really quite horrible, have I mentioned that?”

“Once or twice.”  _ Literally dozens of times. Maybe hundreds. _

Nandor kept going. “I helped her with her first kill. Everything seemed great. We would be together forever. Then..." Nandor frowned and looked down, pushing some of the silk sheets with his finger. 

"She left me anyway. I thought she loved me, but after we had traveled a good distance from her town she told me she had never wanted this. That she was scared if she said no to me that night I would have killed her or her children or more realistically, all of them and the entire town. It had never been genuine! It tore me to shreds." 

Guillermo put a hand on Nandor's shoulder.  _ Maybe he had actually learned something from this? Was that why Nandor… In case I was too scared to refuse? _ "Wow, that's... a lot to take. What did you do?"

"I didn't know what to do! Elaheh could conjure portals so I couldn't kill her. Or find her again. And I couldn't remember how to get back to her town either. Really annoying..."

Guillermo crossed his arms; he couldn't help the judgment in his voice. "Wait so, is this story fucked up to you because you couldn't get revenge on Elaheh?" 

Nandor's eyes widened and his mouth opened in obvious panic. He tried to relax his expression but his poker face was not very convincing. "No, no, that was just how I felt... at the time. Her lies really messed me up, Guillermo," Nandor pouted.  _ Lies are... one way to think of that. _

"I was not yet used to... whatever that was," Nandor said, waving a hand in the air.

"Heartbreak." 

Nandor made a face at Guillermo. "Tch. My heart is not some fragile weak thing, it is strong and tough!" he said, hitting the edges of the tub with his fists.

"Mhmm..." Guillermo leaned forward and held his head in his hands, making sure that Nandor could see his forearms, “I’m not so sure…”

Nandor cocked an eyebrow.  _ Oh, you’ll see. _ Guillermo extricated his legs from under Nandor and crawled over to curl up in his lap. Nandor fidgeted uncomfortably, but also made no real attempt to stop Guillermo. As Guillermo got closer and closer Nandor had made "Ah" sounds like he was struggling to hold a hot potato. Guillermo nestled his cheek against Nandor's chest hair, hooked his arm around Nandor's waist, all while maintaining direct unflinching eye contact. 

"Is this too much for your delicate heart?" Guillermo asked as innocently as he could, looking up at Nandor from under his glasses and the curls of his side-parted hair.

Nandor’s mouth hung open dumbly. Guillermo's own heart was racing. In over a decade of dressing and bathing Nandor, this was somehow the most intimate they’d ever been, both ironically fully dressed and in an empty bathtub. Guillermo knew this had a high chance of backfiring, especially since they were both sober, conscious, and aware of each other’s attraction, but the temptation with Nandor’s set-up was too great. 

It wasn’t a completely irresponsible risk.  _ I don’t think you just came in here for storytime. _ Guillermo smirked at Nandor, who he swears would be blushing, if he could. Nandor was paralyzed. His arms were perched on the edges of the tub, as though Guillermo were a bomb that could go off at any moment.

Guillermo was secretly delighted that he could get such a strong reaction from Nandor from a chaste embrace. He idly stroked Nandor's side, let his eyes close, and settled in even more comfortably. He imagined from Nandor's point of view that he could probably hear Guillermo's heartbeat, could probably smell his still-virginal blood, and probably enjoyed the warmth that Guillermo's body generated, even though he would never admit it.  _ Nandor was so afraid for someone who- _

Guillermo's thoughts were interrupted by the shock of Nandor wrapping his arms around him and returning the hug. He couldn't help the enormous grin that spread across his face or the small delighted sound that squeaked out of him involuntarily or that his heart was just about vibrating out of his chest. He felt like a starving desert flower during the first few drops of rain. 

"Guillermo, are  _ you  _ going to break your own heart?" Nandor asked in mock concern, jiggling him gently.

"Ha, maybe. The only other time I've felt this happy…" Guillermo felt slightly embarrassed to say.

"Yes?" Nandor nuzzled his head on top of Guillermo’s. 

"...when we were flying and you didn't drop me. I kind of feel like I'm flying," Guillermo giggled.

"Ugh, don't make me regret this, Guillermo," Nandor grumbled as he squeezed Guillermo even tighter. Guillermo felt light-headed even though he wasn't standing. He tightened his hold around Nandor and sighed contentedly. They stayed like that for some time, holding each other in a bathtub stuffed with multi-colored silk in a mediocre motel in Pennsylvania in the early afternoon. 

"...Do you know how badly I've wanted this?" Guillermo asked quietly, snaking his hand under Nandor's soft shirt, stroking his chest. 

"How badly?" there was a hitch in Nandor's voice that was like a finger tracing up Guillermo’s spine. 

"I've killed for it. For you. I'd do it again, a thousand times…" Guillermo was surprised at himself, what was coming out of his mouth right now. He was getting better at following his instincts, at not questioning himself, at not overthinking. Just do. He angled himself up by pushing against Nandor’s chest.

"You are a little monster," Nandor smiled, stroking Guillermo’s hair.  _ Your little monster. _

"You made me one..." Guillermo smiled back, wetting his lips, meeting his smoldering gaze with his own. 

Nandor’s hand wrapped around the back of Guillermo’s head, pulling him closer. They kissed slowly, gently, the polar opposite of what happened the night before, seemingly to make it up to each other. All of their crimes, all of their felonies, misdemeanors, and infractions disintegrated in an unbelievably tender kiss that Guillermo wouldn’t have even dreamed about. It was one thing to imagine Nandor being attracted to him, fucking him, but another to imagine actually being in love with him. But here it was.  _ Even if he still hadn’t said it. _ Nandor deepened the kiss, opening his mouth more, taking more from Guillermo too. Guillermo traced his tongue carefully along Nandor’s teeth, debating it, but choosing to delve deeper into his mouth instead. He knew that his tongue had to be hot in Nandor’s mouth, as cool as Nandor’s tongue was in his. Nandor pulled away, sucked lightly on Guillermo’s bottom lip, felt the scabs of the puncture wounds, toyed with them individually. Guillermo’s chest fluttered and his cock twitched.  _ An apology? Or a promise? _

Guillermo dove back in. As they kept kissing Guillermo began arching into Nandor, into his obvious erection, breathing harder as the pleasure built. Maybe he’d get lucky, maybe Nandor would help him finally lose his pesky virginity, would let him ride him at last… Nandor’s hands stayed, clutching Guillermo’s head and his back, but one of Guillermo’s hands began to trail down the dark ocean of hair on his chest, drawing small circles down his stomach, dipping under the hem of his trousers, finally grasping Nandor’s cock. Nandor's entire body jerked and he kicked the shower handle on, immediately spraying both of them with jets of icy water. They both shrieked and scrambled over each other to get out of the tub. 

"Augh! Guillermo, what the fuck!"

"What do you mean what the fuck?! It's not my fault that you-"

"Well turn it off!"

When Laszlo walked in, Guillermo was hunched over the tub turning the water off while Nandor was standing and drying himself with the only towel that Guillermo hadn't used. They were both completely drenched, their clothes sticking to them, Nandor’s wet hair totally flat. Laszlo squinted at them suspiciously. 

"What in the blazes are you two screeching about? And why are you both wet? Were you showering with him, Nandor?! With clothes on? Utterly degenerate," Laszlo said, frowning at them and obviously disgusted. 

Nandor yelled back, "No Laszlo, that's not what happened! Guillermo was having a nightmare and I was checking on him-"

"Really? Why is his smell all over you?" Laszlo gestured to Nandor’s entire body with his hands. 

"Just shut the fuck up Laszlo." That came from Guillermo and it actually worked.

Laszlo quickly glanced at both of them and then slammed the door shut.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, they have a long road ahead of them.
> 
> The story that covers Guillermo's wrist scars is Fool's Mate.
> 
> I would highly recommend listening to the song Holy Diver by Dio.


End file.
